Still on the journey….

I’m happy to finally believe that maybe I’m a decent teacher. A friend of Darren Rhodes (and documentary film maker who is familiar and studied with many of the Anusara tribe incl. my teacher) took my Saturay morning class without my knowing. I taught a typical spastic unplanned class and heard him talking with friends afterward that he enjoyed it. They agreed and said it was too bad he discovered my class on his last day in Monterey.

I’m inspired to dive back into my studies. I’ve been looking for a teacher as I’ve been uninspired while living in Monterey – there are wonderful teachers, just not a teacher to this teacher. It’s time to do some more research.

Happiest of New Years.
xoxo

Lost

Lost
by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

Home

I’ve been living out of my large Longchamp bags for three months with my belongings in storage. I’ve put 7k miles on my car and laid my yoga mat in dozens of studios. I’ve now landed near Monterey, California awaiting acceptance for a very California style bungalo rental that I will share with my cousin. School starts in two weeks and I just landed a very part time job at a design firm… in Pacific Grove. I now need to locate yoga studios where I can teach 5-10 classes per week.

Since March, I have learned a lot of things like 1) Friends remain friends regardless of distance and friends like postcards and letters 2) Om Shrim Hrim Lim Mahalakshmi Nama 3) When taking a yoga class, you can learn something from even the most interesting yoga teachers 4) I’ve met some wonderful women that will be lifelong friends at yoga conferences 5) On mornings when I was freaking out about not having an income, jumping out of corporate America into school and a saturated market of yoga instructors, I trust the universe/Faith that I’m following my dharma and breathe – that moment always passes and I sit with gratitude for the opportunity 6) No matter where I am, I am home 7) when you decide to follow your path, you fall in love with life and you see the beauty in everyone you meet and if they’re also open, they recognize it in you. The deepest loves keep you grounded; you are the company you keep.

 

 

skinny versus hot

Recently, I’ve been getting dizzy during yoga and a couple times just while standing. After telling a friend, she simply asked if I am eating well. It hadn’t occured to me that since I’m away from home and returning to practicing yoga 4-5 times per week from 2-3 times, I’m off my routine and not eating enough and lost a few pounds. This is VERY unusual for me. What is especially troubling is that today two women approached me to ask how I got so ‘skinny’ and asked my secret. So, I’m definitely not sharing thier approaching me to brag, I’m sharing this because our ideal is fucked up since I am actually underweight. Can’t we take personal responsibility for our health as a daily routine and not obsess? What stops us from celebrating our bodies for being strong and healthy?

Being thin is a side effect of a healthy lifestyle & if you try to be thin without taking steps & doing the work to be healthy, you’re missing out on the best part which is a healthier life. 

Both women heard the same response ‘I practice yoga and meditate and when you do both on a regular basis, your way of thinking changes and you no longer have crazy cravings on a regular basis but instead, you become mindful of what you’re eating.’ The first woman in a clothing store nodded and we spoke more about yoga, the second, in a crowded aisle at a health food store, developed a blank stare and said ‘so you’re not just cutting carbs or anything?’ I said ‘No, I still eat whatever I want but don’t obsess – I do the work on a daily basis.’ Her blank stare averted and she wandered off.  I was saddened by this second woman and how desperate she seemed. She was not overweight by any means, just desperate. The best think she could have done was taken a yoga class or gone for a walk on the beach. 

The thin body represents health so why do people try so desperately and fail miserably over and over to falsely achieve a thin body without having to do the work? People would rather spend hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of dollars to look a certain way through crappy diet and exercise programs and avoid having to do any work on the inside but without looking within there will still be a feeling of grittiness and dissatisfaction with the self. Lose the weight and you might be surprised that you’re still you, only thinner since we cannot transcend ourselves! If it is truly a priority and you want to be really happy with your appearance, take a long walk in the morning air and then look in the mirror. That glow is one of the most beautiful, sexy glows a person can have – it’s circulation, heart pounding, engaged with the world radiance. Yoga, walks, sex, meditation – really anything done mindfully and regularly will draw more interesting and interested people to you faster than any no carb diet ever will. I’m promising that you’ll be happy with yourself physically and emotionally if you take this path. Engage with life and your gorgeous body will follow. 

Here I go, again!

I’m back after a long hiatus. My yoga is here with me. I’ll be adding more postings in the coming days as I build my life in NorCal.

You’re not missing out

Last winter I started meditating. It is not regular but I try for 12 minutes per day at least a few times per week. Sometimes it is every day and other times it is a couple weeks. What is developing is a message that comes to me after many of the sittings. It’s a theme or something to carry with me beyond my 12 minutes. Everyone that meditates gets something different out of the process. I would like to think it is exactly what the individual needs. If you’re struggling with meditation, good. That’s the point. Keep struggling and when you’re done and surrender to it, you’ll receive the purpose of the meditation. It’s beyond explanation. So, at around minute 15 tonight, I jumped off my mat and wrote the below thought into my journal. Like all of my writing, I don’t edit, I just free flow write. Spelling and grammatical errors included. The point is nothing beyond the feeling of where I am at when I write. So, my apologies and enjoy.

You’re never missing out on anything because where you are is perfect.

It may feel at times as though you could or should be doing something else but if you are mindful & present in your life, you are exactly where you are supposed to be in a way that serves you and the universe to be your highest self. Even if this means sitting in traffic or god forbid, a hospital waiting room. There is an opportunity to find a silent moment, a flicker of time when you can connect with your deeper self and find that it all makes sense. Life’s gifts do not flow in one lump sum but rather, these pauses in between are what allows us to breath and reflect and appreciate what is and has been. And with that, take another inhale before life’s next gift presents itself.

When we don’t take these pauses as gifts, it is too easy to begin seeing things as non-positive or just negative. Traffic becomes what holds you back. It becomes an excuse. When we start on the path of excuses, we shut ourselves off to the things that want to embrace us.

The excuse, the reason, the justification of why something is not, closes us off to opportunity. What if instead, we take responsibility and trust that the universe is not out to get us. The universe is neutral. By choosing our perspective, we choose what we are welcoming in. We are choosing to nurture the good, even if it feels like a tiny embryo, the embryo grows into a larger being. We choose what we welcome into our life. Those choices become our day, our week, month, year, decade and life. If we’re constantly thinking we’re supposed to be somewhere other than where we are, very often we have closed ourselves off to the signals that could have guided us to the next exit and adventure.

jumping back onto the yoga mat

Another weekend intensive of 14 hours plus 1.5 hours assisting in classes is behind me. This one, the third in the series, amazed me. We discussed the rasas and essentially what we’re bringing to the table of life. We discussed how we guide classes from one emotion to a higher emotion. How we can suggest that someone that is the warrior as a defense mechanism might make an extraordinary warrior of life and love. We spoke of concealment and revealing and how to expose your true self to your students without giving specifics that might make yourself vulnerable. The class is, after all a way of giving to your students, not about your own work.

The weekend was about realizing that we might all be broken but those of us in yoga are choosing to look deeper to see the source so we can move beyond it. It’s raw and ugly but the opportunity to experience life is beautiful and, for lack of a better word, life is glittery. I woke this morning with a simple thought “any discussion of god, is just a meta discussion”. Just as any discussion of love is meta as well. It could also be said that no matter how much you give to others, unless you’re taking care of yourself, those that love you, suffer. Breath that for a while and let me know your thoughts. ❤

Coming out of the weekend not only did I wake up with my body & mind tingling with excitement, I've found myself truly and deeply committed to this journey I am on. I trust fully that all of this work I am doing will open doors for me, or at the very least, allow me to see open doors that I otherwise would not see. I have canceled a few casual get togethers with friends where the plan was to essentially meet at a bar and am nourishing myself with books and music.

with love.